Why it's Really Possible To Fall in Love Online Dating

Why it's Really Possible To Fall in Love Online Dating  

  

The plane taxied to Jon a door at the Los Angeles International Airport, and had flown for 30 hours on a trip to South Asia in California, the beating heart at the thought of Katie wrap his -TO-be girlfriend, in a bear hug. 

In a week and a half, Jon would diamond ring finger and ring his grandmother Katie is unfortunately too large. Supervision disregard of their own, or accident to the jeweler was not due. 

This is because Jon had never held that hand in real life. 

  

Katie, 24, is not a mail order bride today and Jon, 32, is not a rich lonely heart. The couple, who work as Christian missionaries and asked his name not be published for security reasons, he met online while she was in San Diego and he was on a mission in South Asia. 

Two months before its meeting in October 2011 in Los Angeles, Jon Katie had sent an e-mail, hoping to find his missionary group. Jon, curious, had clicked through his blog, which was filled with references to obscure writers devotion He also admired. This initial contact led to months of emails and phone calls, which costs $ 600 Katie phone bills, eventually leading to his decision to meet in the flesh. Today the couple is married to a daughter. 

Their relationship may seem like an outlier at a time when the world is looking aside relationships online. As we all learned last month, the Internet has allowed Notre Dame football star Mani Theo Kafka Lenny fall for a woman who does not exist. "Catfish," a new series based on the popular MTV movie of the same name, captures the audience with online love stories quickly up on lies. 

And all over the Internet, viewers were asked: Is it possible to fall in love with someone you've never met? 

How technology has changed romance 

  

Despite the current climate of mistrust, fall in blind love, often through the written word, which lasts for centuries. The Web has only easier. Some experts say that online communication before meeting GIRL (which is in real life) can effectively promote strong relationships to help people with similar interests together on long distances. Surface potential lovers views detours, and those open to all faster and deeper. 

"Online and SMS technology allows a connection that is faster and more direct," said Aaron Ben-Zee, a philosophy professor at Haifa University and author of "Love Online: Emotions on the Internet ". "It also provides an ongoing dialogued over slow interactions that are typical of the letters." 

Translation: While it may have taken months to a year for couples to communicate and thus come closer in the past, today we can have profound long interactions with a stroke of a key (or touch screen) . 

Howe Gray has his relationship with his wife Michelle, both in their C's, one of the first examples of online dating. 

IRC stands for "Internet Relay Chat", a form of computer conversation that has developed at the end of 1980. "Internet Relay Chat, at the time, I got to know your stuff," said Howe. "So if you were in the CIS, which was almost guaranteed to talk to smart people and I was lucky;. I spoke with an intelligent woman. " 

Gray spoke to Michelle for about six months in the phone via IRC and before boarding his motorcycle and drive from San Diego to Denver to see her in person for the first time. He never left. Thirteen years later, they married, ironically for the couple focused on technology during a ceremony Victorian base in 1870. 

Grey and Michelle Love Connection 1994, the prospect of love online has become increasingly commercial. A 2010 study found that nearly a quarter of respondents had heterosexual couples met through the Web, making the Internet the second most common way to find a partner after meeting through friends. 

The Lost Art of Online Dating 

  

So what makes these numerical relationships successfully? According to a 2002 study, "training Relation to the Internet: What is the big attraction" one of the main draws of Internet relationships of all kinds is the ability to find people who like the same things you do. 

This was the case of Amanda Goldstein Marques, 35, who met her future husband in 1999 by Aaron Date Jewish dating site. 

At first, Amanda has registered on the site with no intention of going on dates, just wanted look at pictures of her cousin. But shortly after putting their profiles without photos, she met Aaron, who was attracted by the mention of a Jewish summer camp in your page. 

Amanda spoke to Aaron for months without seeing pictures of him, before the couple finally met - as Jon and Katie, at an airport - his summer vacation back to go to college. 

"I saw him walking off the plane, and I remember thinking, 'This is so weird, because it's not funny." I felt like meeting an old friend, "he said. 

A year later, so that the point has been officially dating, the two found their grandmothers had attended the same camp Jewish summer in Cleveland, Ohio, a strange coincidence, given Amanda Aaron grew up in Alabama and New Mexico. 

While Amanda said the two were not officially dating for months before their first meeting, and although she had never seen a picture of Aaron, she still tells her it was deep connection. 

"All I knew was that it was large and had brown hair and blue eyes, so all the guys I saw in a way that matches this description, I looked and I said, "If it was Aaron, I'd still do you want?" Amanda, who now lives with Aaron in Decatur, GA said. "The answer was always yes." 

Opinion: Why traditional dating is dead 

  

Featuring Amanda to a man she had never seen before, it is not rare: there have been studies on this phenomenon for decades. One of the most famous is the resonance "Deviation In The Dark" in 1973-claim, in which student interactions were observed in both dark and bright rooms. 

Those gathered in the dark room in general were much more open and intimate with other participants face to face under fluorescent lighting found. In short: When you get rid of all the stress united face to face meetings, people feel more free to be themselves and get to know each other. 

This approach has worked for Keith A. Masterson, 41, and Gabriel Thomas Masterson, 37. After meeting through a Facebook Comment group of the chain, the couple spent hours chatting on Facebook and update your phone before the meeting two months later. The couple is now married and living in Colonial Heights, Virginia. 

"In our situation, (online meeting) gave me the opportunity to ask questions that probably would not have put face to face at the moment," Masterson said. 

Gabriel Thomas agreed: "One of the reasons we moved so quickly was because I spent a lot of time on the phone call." 

Some research also suggests that the first online chat can have a beneficial effect in relations face-to-face. In the "formation of value in the Internet" study, the authors tested whether a group of students you would most like each other after a line or in-person meeting. Found online group was much buddy, partly due to the digital interaction quality itself. In short: Web participants allowed to cut interpersonal distractions and focus on open and honest communication. 

Certainly there are some pitfalls too interaction online before meeting in person. 

  

Dr. Artemis Ramirez, JR., professor of communication at the professor from the University of South Florida, has done his own research on the effects of online communication for relations offline. 

"If you meet someone face to face, shortly after meeting with them online is not necessarily going to take someone who has a positive relationship, but waiting longer increases the chances that things do not work" said. "We tend to develop in our heads these impressions of what we think we are as a person, even if the reality of communication does not reflect that." 

Still, Ramirez said the effect of idealization can be mitigated by extending a relationship beyond the limits of the written word. 

"When people rely on most forms of text communication, which is where you really see idealize people. When people in relationships can talk by phone or Skype, which is rather a reality check, "said." Every new form of communication gradually gives us more information about this person. " 

The advantage of online dating 

  

Of course, not all love stories online repay, as detailed above. Mani Theo fell in love with a woman who died of cancer told a woman he had to say "goodbye" twice after learning that never existed. 

Soccer Star Mani Theo fell in love with a woman online who apparently never existed. 

Soccer Star Mani Theo fell in love with a woman online who apparently never existed. 

The Web is full of cheaters. A 2008 study found that 81% of single people online admitted having lied about his weight, height, age, or a combination of all three in their profiles. The site allows users to submit their best themselves to the public, and sometimes these exaggerated. 

However, just because the object of his affections online is not real does not mean that feelings are not. 

  

Nevi Schulman, the protagonist in the documentary "Catfish" in 2010 knows better than anyone about the distress caused by the fall of a person exist.The movie details how he loved a woman named Megan Facie Michigan, which was a complex manufacturing created by one woman and mother. The series of films and television related, has increased awareness of these disappointments and even given the public a term used to categorize "catfish." 

"Once we sort of terms with the reality that the daily soap which was granted, and long-distance love story, he was having was canceled and all kinds of closure, in the beginning, I was incredibly lonely "Schulman said. 

"It's a double insult," said Dr. Michael Adams, author of "red Affairs. The Cyber shrinks Guide" for online relationships "" For by one side is the loss of a subject of humiliation love .... also also attributed to feel bad about yourself. I have not only lost someone who was never really in love with me, but not I also cheated ". 

Despite what happened to Schulman, and unfortunate souls in your program who fell in love with mirages, he and his "Catfish" co-host, Max Joseph, saying it is possible to fall in love with online success. 

"Everyone, when they meet one of us, we want to know people who have been in online relationships and half the time the stories are really positive to say," said Joseph. "They have a very happy ending." 

The trick, they said, is to be smart about their online love story before getting too deep. 

To have and to hold 

  

All couples interviewed for this story have one thing in common integral: Each of them finally met in real life to strengthen their relationship. 

"If you start to" fall "for someone, it is very important to the GIRL to see if fantasy coincides with reality," said Adams. "It is that you are really in a situation where you are facing to face with this person, spend time with that person, you'll be able to access the truth of what is reality. " 

When missionary Jon had this plane in Los Angeles, after flying around the world, it was a few minutes to see if your fantasy corresponded to the woman who was waiting, he described as "my heart like a girl." The one he was so sure he had acquired (large) ring and planned to put his finger in front of family and friends. 

"Everything that struck me about it," he said years later, remembering that day when he got off the plane and into Katie's arm. 

  

"In all reality, what attracted me the most was all about Katie's heart, which was and is incredibly beautiful. But when I saw him in person was able to see her inner beauty shine through her eyes and smile. I was a basket case fairly quickly. " 

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